I’m Only 15 - Stop Asking Whether Or Not I’m Going to Have Kids
I’ve always wanted to be a mother since the time I was a little girl. When I was around two years old and my sister was born, I would hold up my stuffed animal to my chest and pretend to breastfeed it. Just like my mama would do my new baby sister. My mom says that the sight of me “breastfeeding” my stuffed animals moved her, and she knew right then and there I would be a mother.
I came out as a queer young women a couple of years ago. Like most coming outs it was transformative, scary, and liberating all at once. Most people thankfully, in my life were supportive, but one question always came up. How if I’m a lesbian will I have kids? Will I use a sperm donor? Adopt? Or will I just not have any? These are all questions I don’t know the answer to. Nevertheless, what I do know is that some people think whether or not me reproducing as a queer women is their business. Why do people assume that I may or may not want kids?: Is it because I’m gay, or cause I’m a women? I believe that it is a combination of both. Me being queer with a family doesn’t fit into people’s narrow hetero-normative minds of what the “average” family looks like. Nor does the idea of me being in a relationship with a women with no children. People seem to be uncomfortable with the idea of a women, straight or gay, choosing not having kids. The idea that women are “selfish” when it comes to their reproduction, has been thrown around in conversation and media, regardless of the women’s sexuality. I want to ask the following questions: Why does me having children concern you? If something isn’t personally affecting you why do you care? It has baffled me time and time again that people think just because I’m queer that I owe them sort of explanation on my “lifestyle”.
I’m not the same little girl I was when I was two years old. I’m older now, and as the years have gone by my view of motherhood has morphed into different ideas. Many of these are not the same ideologies I had of motherhood when I was two. I’m guessing my opinions over the course of my life when it comes to bringing a child into this world, will change. Maybe I’ll have a kid maybe I won’t. But as of right now I’m living my life the way a fifteen year old girl is supposed to live her’s. My worth as a women isn’t determined by my want or ability to have children. So stop asking just because the life I lead makes you uncomfortable.